


It's Gonna Be Okay

by BadWolf_TimeAndSpace



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Accidental Love Confessions, AgentReign, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Self-Acceptance, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:06:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13468497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolf_TimeAndSpace/pseuds/BadWolf_TimeAndSpace
Summary: Six months after the victory over Reign, Sam still fears to lose control again, so she comes up with a plan to make sure Reign can be taken out once and for all, should she ever re-emerge. Alex is having none of it."No! I'm not going to implant a kill switch into the head of the woman that I love!""It's my decision and I'm asking you to... wait, what?"---





	1. anger

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I haven't written anything in quite some time, but this pairing inspired me. 
> 
> I started writing this after episode 3x09, so events from the show are only taken into account until then. No James/Lena is happening here though, cause just no. Maybe there'll be a little bit of Supercorp, cause I love them so much.
> 
> A thousand thanks to my friend, Bae, who helped me edit this and made sure it is readable.

 

_Six months ago…_

 

When the dust finally settled all that was left was Sam’s broken soul, her daughter in her arms the only thing keeping her tethered to this life. Reign, the unwelcomed passenger, had been defeated, not by force, but with a mother’s love.

It had been one of the toughest decisions in Alex’s life. Endangering Ruby went against everything she believed in, but the world had almost ended and deep down she had been certain that Sam would have never hurt her daughter. Though there had been no way in telling how much of Sam had still been alive inside the Kryptonian executor. In the end Ruby had made the decision for her and miraculously the bond between mother and daughter had been strong enough to bring Sam back for good.

 

The weeks that followed consisted of reparations and healing. Sam was taken into custody by the DEO. There were endless tests and psych evaluations before she was allowed to have visitors. Alex was overseeing it all, as she had made the two Arias women’s well being her responsibility. Nobody argued when Alex decided to move in with Ruby into the house that now seemed too big with half of the little family missing. Kara and Lena helped where they could, but it was Alex who held Ruby tight and told her everything was going to be alright when the nightmares kept her from sleeping.

Sam’s recovery was slow, the psychic trauma so much worse than the physical one. Nobody, but herself, really blamed her for all the destruction and harm her alter-ego had caused. She could only remember fragments of horrific scenes from the times Reign had taken over, but even without context these were enough to leave her ridden by guilt. Seeing how not knowing what she had done plagued her even more, Alex convinced J’onn to let her read the reports of Reign’s atrocities. At first it seemed as if that made it worse, but after a couple of days Sam finally managed to pull herself out of her depression and self-harming thoughts and started to get better. She never said what caused that new resolve to get her life back. Most suspected that Ruby was her biggest motivation, but Alex, who had spent more time studying and talking to the woman than anybody else, suspected it had more to do with the - justified or not - need to make amends.

After going over all reports and evaluations, the District Attorney came to the conclusion that Samantha Arias couldn’t be held responsible for Reign’s actions, so the criminal prosecution was dropped.

Surprisingly after she was assessed fit enough to go home again, it was Sam who was reluctant. So Alex entered the Kryptonite enforced holding cell that had been Sam’s home for the last two months and sat down on the bed beside her. By that time, they were already so in tune with each other that Sam knew what Alex wanted to hear from her and that she would just sit there in silence waiting for her to let it all out. And after a while she did. She confided in Alex about her fear of losing control again, of being alone with Ruby, of hurting her. Alex’s offer to stay with them came without hesitation.

So Sam settled in at home again and with Alex’s help the transition was easier than she had imagined. Alex’s kindness and strength was a calming presence in the Arias’ household. The guest bedroom where Alex had also lived in during Sam’s imprisonment was called Alex’s room now. Breakfasts and dinners were spent together, and having little else to do, Sam loved to cook for “her girls”, often wondering how she so easily had included Alex into that term of endearment. The evenings were sometimes quiet affairs with all three of them lounging on the couch and watching movies, sometimes loudly with a lot of playful bickering over board games, they were a competitive bunch after all, and Sam loved every single one of their evenings as long as they were together.

 

To further her mental stability, Sam worked relentlessly to learn a Kryptonian meditation technique from Kara. Additionally, she made sure to have a steady daily routine, she ate healthy and exercised a lot. She did everything she could think of to improve and maintain her physical and mental health. Her fear of a relapse never left her though.

After another two months she went back to work as CFO at L-Corp, which allowed Lena who had gone back working full time for L-Corp to indulge her real passion, namely development and research.

With all that had been happening it had been impossible to leave Lena out of the loop, so she not only had learned that Kara was Supergirl and Sam and Reign shared a body, but had also worked closely with the DEO in developing technology to fight and contain a Kryptonian. Using her brother’s research for a good cause had been an unexpected development and left Lena reeling in self-doubt and uncertainty sometimes, but in the end getting her friend back had been worth it.

 

 

 

_Present day…_

 

Almost six months after sort of defeating Reign, Sam sits at the large table in the DEO conference room, nervously rubbing her sweaty hands on her jeans. J’onn, Kara, Winn and Alex are looking at her expectantly, after all she is the one who invited them here today.

She takes a deep breath and decides to just come right to the point. “A couple of month ago I asked Lena and Winn to develop a failsafe system to take Reign out, should she ever re-emerge. They came through and here it is.”

She puts a small device on the table that looks similar to a computer chip.

“It’s meant to be implanted near my brainstem. It contains a dose of highly concentrated Kryptonite surrounded by a metal alloy that prevents it from affecting me unintentionally. There’s also a release mechanism or well, it’s more of an explosive component, which can be activated by putting a numbers code into this control panel.”

She gestures to Winn who shows them the corresponding device. 

“It is going to be stored in a safe deposit box here at the DEO. Only Supergirl, the director, and Alex as co-director of the DEO are going to have access to it.” She adds quickly.

“When activated, the Kryptonite is released into the cerebrospinal fluid and destroys the central nervous system irreparably.”

“Which means it’s going to kill you.” Alex is the first to speak up, irritation coloring her tone.

“It’s going to destroy Reign once and for all.” Sam retorts.

“And kill you in the process.” Alex insists, the anger growing in her voice.

“Collateral damage.” Sam shrugs nonchalantly, which only serves to infuriate Alex even more.

“You got to be kidding.” She scoffs and then looks around the room to Winn, J’onn, Kara, but they all avoid her glare.

“And you all support that? It’s insane!”

“If that’s what Ms. Arias wants, we should respect her wishes.” J’onn tries to defuse the situation. 

But Alex is having none of it. “Kara, come on, you can’t be serious!” She pleads with her sister.

“Alex, I-I…” Kara stutters helplessly.

“Hey guys, could you please leave us for a moment? I want to talk to Alex alone.” Sam interrupts her.

The three of them stand up and leave the room in a hurry. Before Winn closes the door behind him, the Kryptonian can hear him letting out a sigh of relief.

 

Her attention is quickly drawn back to Alex who has also gotten up from her chair and is now pacing the room.

She stops to look at Sam and addresses her with a now much softer tone. “Sam, listen, I know you are afraid that Reign will come back, but you don’t have to deal with that alone. I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere…”

Despite Alex’s desire to understand and help, Sam’s agitation rises, and she feels the desperate need to explain herself to this woman who has become her closest confidant.

“No, Alex, you don’t know how hard it is for me to keep her away! It’s a constant struggle!” She bursts out while standing up and stepping closer to Alex.

“Every night when I go to bed I’m afraid to fall asleep, because what if she takes over while I’m sleeping? I wake up every morning checking if I’m still me. But the relief when I realize I’m still there is short lived, because then I have to get through the day avoiding everything that could possibly trigger her. I haven’t read the newspaper or watched the news for months. While driving I don’t listen to the radio anymore, just my own playlist. When I’m out on the street I only look straight forward and try not to take in other people. I even count my steps to distract myself.

The meditation with Kara helps, but only for a while. And then it’s back, sometimes to just a subtle drumming in my head, and sometimes my veins burn like acid is running through them. In whatever form, it’s there constantly, lurking somewhere in my mind, this darkness that is calling for me. But I can’t give in, not even an inch, cause I know once I do, it’s going to swallow me whole.”

Sam’s voice grows quiet, the last sentence almost a whisper. It’s a relief to let it all out, to share her biggest worries, but when she looks up and sees the compassion and hurt in Alex’s beautiful face, she knows her friend is hurting for her, and she wishes she hadn’t said anything. There’s no going back now though, so she pushes through, she has to convince Alex about her plan.

“Sure, Ruby and you have helped me a lot these past few months. You anchored me. I feel most like myself with you guys around. But what if that isn’t enough someday? If I lose control for good? What if it happens when I’m alone with Ruby? What if I’m going to hurt her?” She trembles at the thought.

“We both know you would never hurt her.” Alex interjects.

“I wouldn’t, but could you say the same about Reign?” Sam looks Alex in the eyes challenging her to answer the question. Alex avoids her gaze after a few seconds, she knows she’s right.

Sam sighs, hopeful that the other woman sees reason now.

“Look, Alex, I just want to make sure that I never hurt Ruby or you or my friends or anyone. This device…, it guarantees that Reign can be destroyed before I - before she kills someone.”

Sam steps closer to Alex and takes her hands in hers, brushing her thumbs in soothing circles over the auburn haired woman’s soft skin.  

“I trust you with my life. I know you will use it only when there’s no other way. I need you to use it before I hurt my daughter.” She pleads.

“So, Alex, please, you’re a doctor and a bioengineer, would you do the operation? Winn can show you the plans where it is supposed to be positioned. Everything has been prepared in the OR, the Kryptonite transmitters are activated to make me vulnerable, so that you can operate on me. They are waiting for us.”

 

“No!” Alex persists, throwing her hands up in agitation and taking a step back. “I’m not going to implant a kill switch into the head of the woman that I love!”

Sam counters immediately. “It’s my decision and I’m asking you to… wait, what?” Confusion settling in, when finally Alex’s words register.

“Shit, I... this wasn’t how I wanted to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you at all…” Alex’s eyes grow wide and her face flushes with obvious embarrassment.

The spark of hope and happiness that has been ignited inside Sam is immediately smothered by Alex’s reaction.

Alex must have recognized the hurt in her expression, because she backpedals on her words.

“No, I mean, I would have told you eventually, but with everything you have been dealing with these past few months, I didn’t want to burden you with my stupid feelings... Our friendship is very important to me and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in my presence. You don’t owe me anything and I don’t expect you to…”

“Alex, would you please stop.” She interrupts the agent’s rambling, her voice gentle.

“Yeah, sorry, I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget I said anything.” The auburn haired woman looks down at her feet, still flustered.

“What if I don’t want to forget it?”

Alex looks up at that, surprise coloring her expression. 

“What if I have feelings for you too?” Sam dares to say while she steps closer to the beautiful woman before her. She lets her battered soul bathe in the moment, refusing to think about the consequences of what she is about to do.

“You do?” Alex whispers unbelievingly.

In lieu of an answer Sam closes the distance between them and cups Alex’s face in her hands. Leaning in, Sam lingers when their noses touch and they breathe the same air, before she kisses Alex softly. With the touch of their lips, it feels like the remaining shreds of darkness are gone, and there’s only light in her mind, body and soul. 

After a short moment of hesitation, Alex reciprocates the kiss, her mouth pressing tightly against Sam’s. When they pull apart Alex cups Sam’s jaw and brushes her thumb over her bottom lip with a look of wonderment. 

But then her attention shifts to the table where the chip is laying and Sam sees the agent’s expression turning to one of fierce determination.

Before Sam has time to react, Alex grabs the device and is out of the room.

Shaking herself out of her kiss induced stupor, Sam hurries to the door.

“Alex! Alex, come back! What are you doing?” Sam’s shouts echo through the hallway, but Alex is already gone.

 

 

\---

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long this is going to be. I have plans for at least another chapter. Let me know if you're interested in more.


	2. bargaining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The positive resonance to the first chapter really blew my mind and it motivated me immensely to keep writing. So, thanks to everyone for reading, giving kudos and commenting! It's much appreciated. I hope you'll like this chapter too.
> 
> Thanks again, Bae, for your final read-through and great advice.

 

 

Alex storms into Lena’s office with a fury that startles even the crisis adapted CEO.

“What were you thinking?” She wastes no time in confronting Lena, putting the chip down on the brunette’s desk.

Sitting upright in her chair, Lena quickly defends herself.

“Sam asked me to do it. She had very convincing arguments, and as much as I hate it, I agree with her on a reasonable level. Maybe you could see reason too, if you wouldn’t let your emotions get ahead of you.”

“My emotions?” Alex nearly shouts.  “My emotions are not the problem here. I think you know damn well that this is wrong on any kind of level, and that’s why none of you told me about that plan beforehand. You knew I would have never let you do this.”

“The purpose of this device is to prevent another world threatening crisis. We have both been there, Alex. We both saw the devastation Reign caused, the deaths, the mutilations. What she did to Kara,… she barely survived the first time they fought, and then the second time…” Lena’s voice cracks at the memories.

“Who’s emotional now?” Alex counters, but there’s no bite to it. She feels her anger dissolve, only to make room for a different kind of frustration. She knows she can’t save everyone all the time, but that doesn’t mean she will ever stop trying – not when the lives of the people that she loves are at stake.

The agent slumps down in the chair that’s in front of Lena’s desk, feeling weighed down by the whole situation.

Ready to reconcile, Lena leans back in her chair and addresses the other woman gently.

“I understand where you are coming from, Alex. Sam is my friend too.”

“She is… she is more than that to me. She and Ruby are my family. I-I…”

“I know.”

“You know?” Alex looks up surprised.

Lena laughs at that. “Everybody with eyes knows.”

“That obvious, huh?”

The look of embarrassment on Alex’s face quickly changes to one of mischief though.

“So, am I as obvious as you with my sister?” She teases and laughs when Lena’s cheeks turn pink.

Still, the CEO tries to put on an aloof face. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Accepting that Lena isn’t ready to talk about that, Alex drops it and addresses the problem at hand.

“So, about that damn chip, I’ve been thinking, would you be able to modify it to be non-lethal and instead just disable Reign, like make her pass out or something like that? Then we could detain her at the DEO until we find a way to bring Sam back.”

“I already thought about that. Actually, it was the first thing that came to mind when Sam told me about her plan. Unfortunately, it wasn’t possible. Winn and I tried, but we weren’t able to determine the right dosage of Kryptonite for that. Even with all the data from the DEO that told us about the effects of the different Kryptonite levels on Supergirl’s body, we weren’t able to predict how exactly a certain dose of Kryptonite inserted into the cerebrospinal fluid will affect the brain. If the dose is too low it will be ineffective or Reign will need just a few seconds to recover. If it’s too high but not lethal, Reign and of course also Sam might suffer severe brain damage that would leave her mentally disabled or in a permanent coma.” Lena explains. “We were only able to estimate the lethal dosage, then we increased it tenfold – just to make absolutely sure it will work.”

“Would you please try again, Lena? There has to be something…” Alex pleads.

“Well, unless you have a living Kryptonian test subject to experiment on, then I’m afraid there’s little else we could do.” The CEO answers.

“Are we talking about ‘in vivo’ instead of ‘in vitro’ experiments?”

“Yes, but other than Kara, Sam and Clark, there are no Kryptonians available and even if there were, I would never conduct harmful or potentially deathly experiments on a living creature – human, alien or otherwise. I would never do something like that and I know you wouldn’t either.” Lena contorts her face with disgust at only the mention of those experiments.

“You’re right, that’s not an option.” Alex tiredly rubs her eyes.

There’s a moment of quiet, each of them lost in their own thoughts, before Lena speaks up again.

“There might be another solution, but I don’t want to get into it. It’s still very vague, and I don’t want to raise your hope.”

“Really?”

“As I said, don’t expect too much to come out of it. You should talk to Sam though. Maybe you two can come to an agreement...”

A swoosh from outside the large glass doors of the balcony interrupts Lena, and both women turn their heads to the direction of the noise only to see Supergirl landing on the balcony.

Lena is promptly out of her chair and opens the door. In a hurry to come in, Kara stumbles over her own feet and collides with Lena who is barely able to catch her fall. The close proximity has both women flustered in seconds, and while Kara entangles herself from Lena she mutters “Gosh, Lena,… I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” Lena tells her, straightening her blouse.

Amused Alex watches their awkward dance around each other, before Kara notices her sister and releases a tirade.

“What are you doing here, Alex? I hope you didn’t dare to blame Lena for the device. She hasn’t done anything wrong. You have no right to just…”

Alex lifts her hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m just here to talk to your g… to Lena, so calm down, ok?”

Kara turns to the brunette then, worry evident in her voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, darling. Alex just wanted to discuss a new idea about the device with me.” Lena soothes her by running her hand up and down the Kryptonian’s arm gently.

Alex rolls her eyes, the both of them too engrossed in each other to see it. After a few seconds she has had enough and clears her throat to get their attention.

“So, what about the chip?” Kara asks, after sheepishly averting her eyes from Lena and focusing on Alex again.

“Well, I’ll leave it with Lena for now and maybe she can come up with an option to revise the system.”

“That’s good. I’m sure Lena will think of something, she’s a genius!” Kara gushes. “And can you believe that Lena moved the whole development and research department to the upper floors so that I can still come in to her new office through the balcony?”

“No, I cannot.” Alex deadpans. “That’s really rom…” She stops as Lena shoots her a glare. “… considerate of her.” Alex concludes, grinning.

“Yeah, she’s the best.” Kara agrees with a dreamy smile.

“Okay.” Alex stands up from her chair. “I’ll leave you guys to it then. Bye, Sis. Bye, Lena. Call me as soon as you got something, please.”

She gives each of them a hug and makes her way to the door.

 

Back on her motorbike Alex decides to take the scenic route to get home. She needs some time to think, to clear her head. Riding her bike has always had a calming effect on her and right now with all that happened in the last few hours, she wishes nothing more than for the storm of feelings inside of her to abate, so that she can breathe again.

When the familiar neighborhood in the suburbs comes into view, she already feels better than before. The thought of Sam waiting for her at their home elicits a thrill of anticipation. _Their home_ , she realizes how true and right that sounds to her as she has come to think about the Arias’ house that way for some time now.

Arriving at her destination, she finds the brunette sitting on the steps in front of the house. She has changed into her comfortable clothing, jogging pants and an old t-shirt, her hair loose on her shoulders, and Alex thinks Sam has never looked more beautiful.

Sam’s smartphone lies next to her and the agent suspects Lena must have told her about their conversation. The Kryptonian seems lost in thought as she looks intently into the cup she is holding with both her hands. Alex knows she has probably heard her motorbike from miles away, but she only looks up at her when she approaches the house. The sad smile on the woman’s face makes Alex’s heart hurt. She gives Sam an encouraging smile and sits down beside her.

Wordlessly Sam hands her another cup, and with a mumbled “thanks” Alex brings it to her lips and takes a sip. She smiles, it’s green tea with lots of sugar and a hint of citrus, just how she likes it. Sam must have prepared it for her when she heard her motorbike in the distance.

“So, Lena called you,…”

“Yes, she did.” Sam confirms.

“Hmm.”

“Alex, you know there’s only a small chance that…”

“Don’t.” She interrupts the brunette. She isn’t ready to give up.

“We have to talk about this now, Alex. We don’t know how much time I have. Reign… It could happen tomorrow or next week or in five years…” Sam’s voice sounds weary, and Alex’s heart breaks a little at that.

“Or not at all.”

“Yes, but I’m not willing to bet my daughter’s life on it.” She says with a hint of finality that doesn’t sit well with Alex.

“It won’t come to that.” She won’t give up.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Cause I know you, I know Sam Arias and…”

“You don’t know how hard it was to push Reign back the first time. She’s so strong, I barely managed to rein her in.” She chuckles mirthlessly at her own choice of words.

Alex puts the tip of her index finger on Sam’s chin and gently guides her to look her in the eyes.

“Reign is strong, but Sam is stronger.” She says with conviction.  “I know you can beat her. And you’re not alone, ok? Whatever this is between us or however this will turn out, I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always have your back.”

 Sam looks at her with tears in her eyes and when one escapes, Alex brushes her thumb over the brunette’s cheek to wipe it away.

“So, please, let’s wait and see what Lena comes up with, ok? I can’t stand the thought of that kill chip inside your head. I-I can’t lose you.” She pleads, her voice thick with emotion.

“You might lose me anyway if Reign comes back. So, isn’t death the better option then?”

“No. Never, cause death is final, but Reign taking over your mind… there’s still a chance to get you back. And as long as there is hope, I’m going to fight tooth and nail for you. So I need you to be ready to fight for yourself as well, ok?”

“Ok.” Sam concedes, her body trembling with the effort to not break out in tears.

But when Alex opens her arms to offer a comforting embrace, Sam almost throws herself into Alex’s arms. She buries her face into the agent’s shoulder and encompassed with Alex’s warmth she lets the tears run freely.

 

During the next few days everything seems to go back to normal, they carry on with their daily routines. Alien activity is less than usual, so Alex makes it home early in the evenings. As Sam has to work late, due to a big project that’s coming up for L-Corp, it’s Alex instead of Sam who’s in charge of family dinners. After the first one though, everyone agrees to let Alex just order take out for the rest of the week.

The change in Sam and Alex’s relationship is hardly noticeable but at the same time too obvious to ignore.  They share shy glances and fleeting touches, and when they are alone, Ruby otherwise occupied, their lips often find each other for soft kisses. Yet none of them finds the courage to initiate a conversation about what it all means.

That changes on movie night. The Arias’ girls and Alex make themselves comfortable in the living room. While Ruby lounges in the armchair that is closest to the TV, Sam and Alex share the couch, a respectful distance between them in the beginning. During the evening Sam draws closer and closer to Alex, until their arms and upper thighs touch. That doesn’t seem to be enough for Sam though, cause while getting her legs up on the couch bending them to the other side, she leans further into Alex’s side, snuggling up to her. The auburn-haired woman turns her eyes away from the screen and looks at Sam questioningly. Instead of an answer Sam just smiles, slips her right hand into Alex’s left and intertwines their fingers. Alex reciprocates with a contented smile and a squeeze of her hand and together they sit in silence and keep watching the movie. It’s Sing, Ruby’s choice, and when Johnny sings his rendition of “I’m still standing” from Elton John, Sam happily hums along.

When the movie is finished Ruby turns around to look at them before they have the time to untangle themselves from each other. With a raised eyebrow Ruby asks cheekily “So, are you two finally dating now or what?”

Flustered they scramble away from each other, both of them stuttering incoherently, before Sam gets back her bearings and answers her daughter.

“Well, you know, I would love to.”

She turns to Alex then, a big smile on her face. “So, what do you say Miss Danvers, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Yes.” Is all that Alex manages to get out, happiness and awe overwhelming her in equal parts.

“Yay!” Ruby exclaims and launches into a little happy dance, before all three of them burst into laughter.

 

 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans for about 4 more chapters and I aim for weekly updates, but no promises. It might take me a little bit longer to update, as I'm back at work and don't have much time to write during the week, sorry in advance for any delays.


	3. denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the continued support! It means a lot to me.
> 
> This chapter is full of fluff, and there's also some smut at the end. (Writing smut is not my forte though, so please forgive me, if it's a little bit short.) 
> 
> Bae, thank you again, I don't know what I would do without you. <3

 

 

Even though Sam has been the one to ask Alex out, the agent insists on planning their first date. So on a seemingly ordinary Saturday night, they both get ready in their respective rooms, Ruby flitting between the two, offering her advice on clothing, makeup and hairstyle. The nervous energy is palpable in the house, and the teenager’s cheerfulness does nothing to calm Sam down.

She’s barely ready when the door bell rings. Kara and Lena happily offered to babysit as soon as they heard about the date. 

In the hallway she nearly collides with Alex who has also left her room to open the door. After steadying herself, she can only stare at the beauty before her. Alex has opted for a soft, cashmere blend top and dark skinny jeans, her auburn hair that only reached her chin flows down in curly waves and she wears minimal makeup –just enough to make her impressive eyes pop out and her inviting lips more glossy. She’s breathtakingly beautiful and Sam feels her heart stutter.

Alex is not fairing any better as her eyes roam over Sam’s body clad in a tight red dress, before it settles on Sam’s impressive cleavage that is accentuated by a low v-neck.

Mesmerized with each other, they don’t even register Ruby pushing past them and running down the stairs, exclaiming “I’ll get the door.”

“You look beautiful.” Sam whispers shyly, and Alex reciprocates with a smile.

“Thanks, you too. Ready to go?” The agent asks with a breathy voice and reaches out her hand for Sam to take.

The brunette nods, a small smile on her lips, and grabs Alex’s hand.

Downstairs Kara, Lena and Ruby are already waiting for them, buzzing with excitement.

Soon they are sent on their way with best wishes for their date.

Despite looking forward to spending the evening with Alex, Sam is a little bit worried about being in public. She hasn’t spent an evening out since the whole Reign debacle, in fear of possible triggers among large crowds. When they arrive at the small, friendly looking Italian restaurant though, the waitress leads them up the stairs to a secluded area on a rooftop terrace. There’s only one table, laid for two, illuminated by candle light. Astounded, Sam shoots a questioning look to Alex, who just shrugs her shoulders and answers nervously. “I know the owner, he’s an alien, and Kara and I helped him once. And I knew you wouldn’t feel comfortable surrounded by too many people, so I asked him for a favor and yeah, I hope you like it…”

She kisses the considerate woman fiercely, not caring about the presence of the waitress who quickly averts her gaze to give them some privacy.

They part, both gasping for air, not able to look anywhere else than each other.

The invitation of the waitress to take a seat brings them out of their own little bubble and they follow the younger woman to their table.

Their first date is a full success. Their conversation flows effortlessly, and even though they already live together and know so much about each other, they never run out of topics to talk about.

The food tastes heavenly, and the wine complements the whole experience perfectly. They share a dessert, tiramisu, while Sam laughs at Alex’s childhood stories about the craziness that sometimes came along with having a Kryptonian sister. They stay long after closing hour, the mild summer night providing enough warmth to still feel comfortable outside.  

When they arrive back at home, neither of them wants the evening to end, so they stand awkwardly on the front porch, until Alex steps closer and puts her hands on the brunette’s waist.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” The agent whispers.

“Then do it.” Sam breathes out.

So Alex leans in and this time their kiss is slow, delicate and deliberate. They drink each other in, savoring the other’s lip, mouth and tongue. Its intimacy makes Sam’s toes curl and Alex’s knees go weak.

What seems like an eternity later, they separate reluctantly and go inside, only to find Kara and Lena curled up with each other on the couch, sound asleep.

Not having the heart to wake the adorable couple up, they make their way to the upper floor, and after checking in with Ruby who is peacefully sleeping in her bed, they go to their respective rooms.

This night Sam sleeps without waking up from a nightmare for the first time in months.

 

Their second date is a picnic by the lake in the park. Sam has prepared a large variety of finger food, little sandwiches and fruits. They sit under a large tree near the water, and besides the mosquitoes that only bite Alex, they are having a great time.

On their third date, they visit the opera, because Sam hasn’t been in years and has mentioned her love for Verdi during their first date. The opera is La Traviata, and Alex has her eyes almost as often on stage as on Sam’s expressive face, seeing all the emotions displayed in her date’s beautiful features.

Sam soon realizes that being in public is not a problem when Alex is there with her. She is too fascinated with her amazing girlfriend – yes, girlfriend, they’ve made it official after their third date - anyway to recognize anyone or anything else.

 

For the first time in her life, Sam has someone she can lean on, someone she can rely on. The concept is so foreign to her, and still she adopts it so easily when it comes to Alex.

Even before they started dating, she had accepted Alex’s help, especially because it was always offered without judgment and without any expectation to get something in return. That hasn’t changed, but now that they’ve both acknowledged their feelings for each other, she’s filled with a fundamental trust towards the other woman, she can’t even begin to understand.

They still talk about Reign and the kill chip from time to time, Alex listening to Sam’s worries, and Sam slowly beginning to feel that with Alex’s support everything is going to be okay. Sometimes she even thinks that maybe she doesn’t need the chip after all. They don’t hear any news about the device from Lena.

 

A few weeks after making their relationship official, they are cuddling on the couch. Saturday date nights have become a regular occurrence, and this time, Ruby stays with a friend overnight. Sam cooked her famous Lasagna, but she had to promise to make enough to have leftovers for Ruby for the next day. So she might have overdone it a little bit, because now she and Alex are practically in a food coma, and there is still enough Lasagna left to feed a small army.

Sam is laying on the couch with her head in her girlfriend’s lap, while Alex rubs her slightly aching belly in soothing circles.

“When did you know you like like me?” Sam suddenly wants to know.

“Like like you?” Alex asks teasingly, looking down to her girlfriend.

“Come on, tell me!” Sam almost whines.

“Ok, ok. Do you remember that one night we went out for karaoke on girls’ night with Kara, Lena and Winn?”

“I remember you and Kara arguing about why Winn was coming, because he is not a girl, and Kara proclaiming that he was an honorary girl for the night and then launching into a speech about how genitals don’t automatically equal gender, yes.” Sam answers, sniggering at the adorable pout of her girlfriend.

“I agree with that, but he even said he doesn’t identify as a woman!” Alex grumbles, but then continues. “So, it was the last girls’ night before…”

“Before we found out that I’m Reign.” Sam finishes Alex’s sentence.

“You’re not Reign.” Alex states firmly.

“Let’s not argue about that now. You were about to tell a romantic story.” The Kryptonian deflects, and Alex lets her.

“So, Kara wanted to check out this new karaoke bar, and they had this weird cocktails menu where the cocktails were named after 90s songs and we ended up having way too much.”

“Well, your cocktail was called ‘No Limit’ and mine was ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’, so I don’t think we had a choice there.” Sam jokes.

Sam can feel her girlfriend’s body quivering with laughter.

“Yeah, somehow you ended up on stage, singing Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Since You Been Gone’, and I’m using the word singing very loosely here…” The agent argues, affection coloring her tone.

“Hey! I’m a good singer!” Sam protests.

“Babe, you butchered that song…” Alex says matter of factly, but seeing Sam’s frown she tries to reconcile. “ahem, but, you know, like… in an adorable way?”

Sam huffs indignantly.

“So anyway, you were giving it all you got, you did this silly dance and jumped around. You were clearly having fun and the crowd was going wild. You were so cute…” Alex smiles at the memory.  “I had never seen you so carefree before, and I realized that I haven’t seen every side of you yet, but that I really wanted to get to know all of you.”

The auburn haired woman looks down at her girlfriend with a dreamy look in her eyes.

“I mean, I’ve been attracted to you before - how could I not, you’re gorgeous - but that was when I recognized that I was falling in love with you.”

Sam looks at her with awe before she tilts up her head, pulls Alex down by grabbing her shirt and crashes their lips together in a deep kiss.

When she lets go though, Sam feels sorrow emerging, a terrible thought coming to mind.

“I’m sorry that Reign got in the way after that.” The brunette whispers sadly. “You must have regretted your wish to see every side of me then.”

She pushes herself further up and away from Alex until she sits beside her. She is afraid to look her in the eyes, but Alex turns around to face her again.

“Hey, we have different views on that, but if you insist on Reign being a part of you, and if it takes me loving Reign too to prove to you how much I love you, then I will.” Alex declares wholeheartedly.

Sam just stares at her with an open mouth, not quite finding the words, completely in awe with this incomprehensible woman.

“You’re a sap.” Tumbles out a moment later.

“What?” Alex raises an eyebrow playfully. “I’m just going to smother her with kisses, she won’t stand a chance.”

“Now you’re just being silly.” Sam giggles, the sadness gone, and kisses Alex’s triumphant smile.

“I’m serious though, you know. I love all of you, the good and the bad.” Alex professes, and Sam can see the sincerity and love in her eyes.

“Fuck, I love you.” Sam says for the first time, and she doesn’t know why she waited so long.

The intensity of their next kiss leaves them both light-headed and out of breath.

“I had a crush on you from the moment we met.” Sam proclaims unexpectedly, after their lips part.

“What?” Alex’s mind still reeling from their kiss, it takes a moment for her to register Sam’s words.

“I thought you were beautiful and intelligent and badass, but also kind and caring and overall fascinating. But you were engaged to Maggie then, and so I pushed my feelings down. And after the break up you needed time to heal, and I was just lucky to have you as a friend. Then Reign happened, and you were at my side the whole time. Talking to you was the only thing that kept me sane at first after Reign was defeated. I couldn’t even think about any romantic feelings then. I was struggling to find and build myself up again. By the time I was released, and you came to live with us, I had ignored my feelings for so long, that I practically wasn’t even aware of them anymore. But then you told me you loved me and it all came back to me, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.” Sam rambles without taking a breath as if she would lose her courage to go on, once she stopped.

“And you call me a sap?” Alex smiles lovingly, before she pulls her girlfriend in for another heart-stopping kiss.

 

 

After that night Sam feels like their relationship has changed, has grown into something more. Their connection deeper than she has ever felt with anyone before – apart from Ruby, of course, but the bond between mother and child is something else entirely.

The most notable change for Sam is that with Alex, she feels whole again. When she touches her, she forgets that Reign even existed. It’s like the darkness underneath her skin can do nothing more than to yield to the other woman’s gentle caress. Sometimes she wonders how Alex has such an effect on her, sometimes it even frightens her.

Every time they are near each other, Sam can’t help herself, she wants to touch Alex, she needs to feel her. In public, she reverts to just holding hands, but in their home, she seeks out as much contact as possible without scarring her daughter for life. If she comes off as clingy, she doesn’t care and most importantly Alex never complains.  The other woman seems to relish their cuddle time as much as Sam.

There are also the times when Ruby isn’t at home, but at a friend’s house or with Kara or Lena or both, and it’s usually then that things get heated fast, propriety be damned, their snuggling up on the couch often turning into heavy make out sessions.

It’s one of these nights and soon Sam straddles Alex, her hands find their way under Alex’s shirt, her fingers stroking the soft skin over the agent’s defined abdominal muscles. Alex gasps at the contact, but she doesn’t get much air in, because the next moment Sam’s tongue is licking into her mouth. She relishes the soft but demanding strokes. Meanwhile Sam’s hand travels up to her bra and when she feels her thumb brush over a nipple, she isn’t able to hold back a groan.

She feels the pressure building inside of her, but she needs more. Sam seems to have the same thought, cause suddenly she leans back and huskily demands. “Bedroom, now.”

Between hungry kisses and wandering hands they make their way to Sam’s bedroom and tumble onto the soft, king-sized mattress.

They’ve left their shirts somewhere in the hallway, but it’s still too many clothes, so both of them make quick work of getting rid of the rest of it. Completely naked, Sam leans over her beautiful girlfriend, bracing herself on her arms, admiring the view. Alex lies on her back and looks up to her with a desire and longing that leaves her breathless. Alex’s lips are kiss swollen, her cheeks pink, her hair ruffled and it’s the sexiest thing Sam has ever seen.

She dives down into a deep kiss, while simultaneously straddling Alex’s leg and grinding her slick center against Alex’s thigh. They both moan in unison at the feeling of Sam’s heat sliding over Alex’s skin, leaving a trail of wetness there.

Sam presses her lips to her girlfriend’s jaw, then to her throat. Feeling the pulse of the other woman flutter underneath the skin, she can’t help but bite down, making Alex scream her name and her body trembling with arousal. She tastes the salt of Alex’s skin with her tongue, soothing the pain of the already forming mark with lavishing licks.

Suddenly she’s flipped around, and Alex lies on top of her. Before she can protest, Alex kisses her way down Sam’s chest, paying generous attention to her breasts with her lips and tongue, while her free hand travels further down, stroking over her abdomen and finally caressing Sam’s inner thigh.

Sam feels like drowning in the other woman, and it’s too much and yet not enough, all at the same time. She can feel her center pulsing with want, her breath coming out in ragged gasps. When Alex teases her entrance with her fingertips, all she can do is whimper. “Alex, please.”

A cry of pure pleasure is ripped from her throat when Alex slides her fingers into her wet folds easily while her thumb presses down on her clit.

Feeling her orgasm approaching fast due to Alex’s thrusts, Sam begins to panic. She grabs Alex’s wrist, stopping her ministrations between her legs. Alex immediately stops kissing her jaw and looks up. Their eyes meet, and Alex worriedly searches Sam’s brown eyes for any sort of discomfort. It’s not discomfort though, but the fear of losing control, of her dark passenger taking over, that has Sam rattled.

As if she can read her mind, Alex’s expression changes from concerned to caring and tender. She smiles reassuringly before she resumes her kissing of Sam’s jaw and then makes her way up to her ear.

“It’s ok, baby, I’ve got you. You can let go.” She whispers and then kisses the soft spot behind Sam’s ear.

The brunette trembles slightly and let’s out the breath she’s been holding, before her body relaxes. She releases her grip on the other woman’s wrist and Alex has her worked up again in no time. She is ready to give her all to the woman she loves without holding back. So this time, when she reaches her peak, she lets herself fall over the edge, embracing the feeling of weightlessness. As the orgasm continues to roll through her, it feels good, it feels right, it feels like flying.

When she comes down from her high, she’s safe and sound in her lover’s arms and has never felt more contented in all her life.

 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, angst is coming back!


	4. depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around. You guys are the best, I love every single one of your comments. 
> 
> Before you read this, please note the added tag "angst with a happy ending". We'll get there, I promise - just not so soon.  
> I hope you'll enjoy this anyway.

 

 

It’s been over two weeks since the first time they had sex and since then they share a bed every night. Their new sleeping arrangement hasn’t even been a point of discussion between them, the silent agreement augmented with wanting looks and claiming touches.

Waking up with Sam wrapped around her suffuses Alex with happiness and a sense of home, she thought she would never have. Before Maggie made her realize who she is and what she wants, she would have never dreamed of having a partner, a child, a family. She had accepted that those things just weren’t in the cards for her and had concentrated fully on her work and career instead. Thinking about all that has changed since then, she feels deeply grateful.

Lying comfortably in bed, Alex keeps her eyes closed and takes her time to catalogue and memorize the sensations, the warmth radiating from the Kryptonian’s body, the comfortable weight of Sam’s arm on her chest, the feeling of her breath against her neck, the scent of her hair conditioner. She’s not used to all of it yet, and she doesn’t ever want to get used to Sam’s presence, instead she wants to treasure her every day for the rest of her life.

The thought of forever has been in the back of her mind for quite some time now, and sometimes she dares to dream about spending her life with this amazing woman and their family, especially in this half asleep, half awake state of mind.

She’s hurtled out of her morning dreams by her phone vibrating on the bedside table. She tries not to move too much in order to let Sam sleep a little bit longer and reaches for the annoying device with her free arm.

Her voice still hoarse with sleep she answers the call.

“Hey.”

“Alex!” She winces at the loud greeting from her sister.

“Shhh, Kara. Sam is still asleep, so can you please keep it down?” Alex grumbles.

“Um, sorry…” Kara lowers her voice.

“It’s okay,… so what’s up?”

“I... I think I’m in love with Lena!” Kara whisper shouts the last part, and Alex can hear the mixture of fear and excitement in her sister’s voice.

She forgets her sleeping girlfriend momentarily and sits up abruptly, jostling Sam awake in the process.

“I need your help, Alex. What do I do?” Kara pleads, while simultaneously Sam groans. “What’s going on, babe?”

“Hold on, Kara.” Alex then quickly covers the phone’s mouthpiece with her thumb and turns to her girlfriend.

“It’s Kara. She says she’s in love with Lena.” Alex whispers with a smug smile. “You owe me twenty bucks.”

“What?” Sam’s head shoots up from the pillow, and Alex feels her heart grow three sizes at the adorable morning look of her sleeping companion, with her ruffled hair and slightly crumpled face.

“No way! … ugh, where’s my phone? I need to text Lena.”

The brunette turns around and grabs her phone from the nightstand but stops when Alex waves her hand signing for her to wait, before she addresses Kara again. “Ok, calm down, sis. Tell me what happened?”

“I don’t even know! I mean one moment we were just enjoying our weekly Doctor Who marathon and eating ice cream, and the next we were kissing and then…”

“Whoa, hold on there. You were watching Doctor Who without me?”

“Alex!”

“Yeah, yeah, ok, so how come you kissed your best friend?” Alex is sure Kara misses the light mocking tone in which she says ‘best friend’. Sam doesn’t though and chides her for teasing her sister by giving her the ‘mom’ look she usually reserves for Ruby and her shenanigans. It’s pretty effective and Alex feels a little bit guilty immediately.

“We shared the ice cream and then there was just a little bit left and I offered it to Lena, because I already had the most of it.” Kara says without taking a breath but slows down then like she’s still processing what happened next. “So I gave her the tub, that’s when our fingers touched, and she looked at me.”

Alex can almost hear Kara’s soft smile as she continues. “She looked at me this certain way that she often does, like she can’t believe I’m her friend,… and I wanted to reassure her, cause Lena deserves people who care for her. So I put the tub of ice cream on the coffee table and got closer to her to give her a hug, but she must have misinterpreted the situation, and before I knew what was happening she kissed me,” Kara hesitates.  “on the mouth…”

“So, did you like it? Did you kiss her back?”

“Yeah, I liked it…” Kara answers with a dreamy quality to her voice.

“I didn’t have the chance to kiss her back though. It all happened so fast and she broke the kiss, before I could react.” She adds, sounding regretful.

“She apologized and left in a hurry. That was eight hours ago, and I spent the whole night thinking about that kiss and what it means and I’m going crazy, Alex! I already stress-baked two blueberry cakes, three sheets of chocolate chip cookies and even tried homemade donuts, but I couldn’t get the fluffiness right and oh, hey, do you know where mom keeps her recipe for that triple layer mousse cake…”

“Kara, do you want me to help you sort out your feelings?” Alex interrupts her sister’s rambling.

“Yes, please.”

“Ok, so do you like being around Lena?”

“Pshh, of course. I want to be around her all the time.”

“And do you think she’s beautiful?”

“Alex, don’t be ridiculous. Who wouldn’t think that? She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“What do you like about her the most?”

“Um, there are so many things,… I can’t just choose one. Hmm, let’s see… She’s a genius and in despite of her family, she’s generous and kind and always tries her best to make this world a better place. To the outside world she is that tough, reserved business woman, but with me she is soft and funny and vulnerable, and I love that I’m the only one to get to see her like that.”

“And why do you think she’s different when she’s alone with you?”

“I… I think she lets me see all of her, because she trusts me and knows that I would never hurt her.”

“Do you trust her too?”

“I trust her with my life.”

“Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

 “Do you want to kiss her again?” 

“Yes.”

“Are you in love with her?”

“Yes.”

“Then go, tell her!”

“What? Now?”

“Yes, now. Go, get your girl, sis!” Alex cheers her sister on.

“Oh, ok. Thanks, Alex!” Without another word, Kara hangs up.

Satisfied, Alex settles back down to snuggle into her girlfriend and sighs happily when Sam wraps her arms around her.

“You know, you lost the bet, right?” Sam remarks.

“What? I don’t think so.” Alex claims. “Kara realized her feelings for Lena, and she’s on her way to ask her out.”

“Yeah, but I heard what she told you and technically Lena made the first move when she kissed Kara…”

Alex opens her mouth to protest, but Sam doesn’t let her interrupt. “ah ah… don’t even try it, we both now Lena kissed her because she’s in love with her too. And she might deny it, but there’s no way Lena is not aware of her own feelings.”

“Ok, ok, you win.” Alex grumbles.

“Oh, come on, don’t pout!” Sam raises her head and gives Alex a quick kiss. “So, here’s an idea… what about… we forget about the money and you pay your debts in kind?” She proposes, her lips hovering over Alex’s.

“Hmm, what do you have in mind?”

“Well, I’m sure, you can think about something that will satisfy my needs, tiger.” She says while sliding her body fully on top of Alex and biting her bottom lip suggestively.

 

\---

 

It starts out as a normal work day. Sam has meetings the whole morning and after a short lunch break, she finally has time to get some actual work done. There is another meeting scheduled with an important investor in the evening, so she knew in advance she’ll not be home for dinner. Alex has a late shift too, so it was hard to quell Ruby’s disappointment this morning. They came to a truce when Sam allowed her daughter to not only go to her friend Vanessa’s house after school, but also to have a sleepover. The consequential arrangements were made easy enough via a phone call with Mrs. Rodriguez, Vanessa’s mother.

Sam is in the middle of a budget review, when she gets the call.

Picking up her phone, she smiles, happy to get a call from Alex. “Hey, tiger, how is my badass agent girlfriend doing today?”

“Sam, listen, something happened…” Her smile immediately turns into a concerned frown, when she hears the strain in Alex’s voice.

“First of all, Ruby is going to be okay. I mean, she is okay, so please stay calm.”

“Alex, what are talking about?”

“There has been a traffic accident… Mrs. Rodriguez picked the girls up from school and on their way home, someone ran a red light and hit their car.”

Her stomach drops and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. _No._

“I’m still listed as Ruby’s emergency contact from the time you were… you know. So I got a call from the hospital. Kara flew me to the hospital immediately after. I’m here now, ok, Ruby… she’s going to be okay.”

“Alex…” A strangled sob is all she gets out.

“It’s… It’s going to be okay, baby. I won’t leave her side. Kara is on her way to pick you up. Just stay where you are. Kara is gonna be there any minute now…”

Before Alex has finished her sentence, there’s a knock on the balcony door of her office. Mechanically Sam turns around, and like in trance she stands up to open the door and let Supergirl in.

“Sam?”

As soon as Kara wraps her in her strong arms, Sam trembles violently. Kara takes the phone out of her hand and speaks to Alex. “I’m here, I got her. Meet you at the hospital. Which floor? … Ok, got it.”

By the time Kara ends the call, Sam has gotten herself under control again, her only thought is getting to her daughter as fast as possible.

Although the flight only takes a few minutes, it feels like an eternity to Sam. All kinds of horrible scenarios are running through her head. Knowing that Alex is with Ruby is the only thing that prevents her from breaking away from Kara and seeing if she can control her own powers enough to fly to the hospital faster.

They land on the hospital roof, and Kara barely has time to tell her on which floor she can find her daughter, before she opens the roof entrance, almost ripping the door of its hinges, and sprints down the stairs.

Her heart breaks at the sight of her daughter, pale and tiny, in the hospital bed. She rushes to her daughter’s bedside, cradling Ruby in her arms in seconds.

“Mom, it hurts so much.” Ruby whimpers, tears running down her cheeks. “My tummy…”

Witnessing her daughter’s suffering feels like someone rips her heart out, and yet the feeling of not being able to help her is so much worse.

“I know, baby… the doctors are going to help you.” She looks pleadingly at Alex, who she only notices now.

“I’m going to get the nurse.” She squeezes Sam’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, before she leaves the room. It only takes a minute before Alex comes back with a slightly terrified looking nurse who goes on to administer some more pain medication into Ruby’s IV drip.

With the pain receding, Ruby soon falls asleep, the exhaustion catching on to her.

Alex takes the opportunity to gently herd Sam out of the room where the attending physician waits for them.

The doctor explains that Ruby has a ruptured spleen and lost some blood because of it, but apparently there are different stages of a ruptured spleen, and Ruby’s is only stage one, the ruptured parts still holding together inside the organ’s intact capsule. They don’t have to operate at this stage, but there is still a risk of a secondary rupture which could cause it to fall apart, so they are going to monitor her closely, do hourly checkups with ultrasound and blood tests to make sure the spleen holds and the anemia doesn’t get worse.

Sam gets only half of the information, she’s too focused on her child lying there in the hospital bed, almost as white as the sheets, connected to tubes for the IV dribs and colored wires for the EKG and the oxygen saturation that’s shown on the monitor.

She’s glad Alex is there with her. A doctor herself, Alex has no problems following the doctor’s explanations and discussing the therapy with him.

 

The next hour, Alex and Sam stay at Ruby’s bedside, keeping vigil over their daughter.

Before she has to go back to the DEO, Kara joins them briefly. She informs them that Mrs. Rodriguez has suffered a concussion and a broken leg, while thankfully Vanessa is completely fine apart from a few minor bruises.

Sam feels guilty for not thinking about the wellbeing of her neighbor and her daughter sooner.

 

True to his words the doctor comes back after an hour, he brings a colleague and a portable ultrasound unit.

Noticing how tired Sam looks, Alex offers to get them some coffee.

Sam is standing alone outside her daughter’s hospital room waiting for the doctors to finish their checkups, when she hears it.

“… and then he lost control over his vehicle and ran a red light, crashing into the car with the kids.”

“Oh my God! And he’s here too?”

“Yeah, one floor down. The police are there to get a statement, but I doubt…”

Sam doesn’t even hear the next words from the two nurses who are passing by, her own blood rushing through her arteries so loud in her ears that it drowns out all other noises.

Without conscious thought, she’s on her way, more running than walking to the entrance of the staircase. During her descent down the stairs, her anger burns into a searing rage. She can feel the darkness that she almost already forgot is even there coming to life, thrashing about like a wild animal. She doesn’t even try to hold it back, instead she lets her fury fuel the beast, summoning the angel of death, welcoming her.

_How dare anybody hurt her daughter! She would make them pay, she would rip them to shreds._

Lost in her thoughts of revenge, she pushes through the door into the hallway of the floor below. In her furious haze she somehow manages to notice two police officers coming out of a patient’s room. Assuming that this must be the accident perpetrator’s room, she rushes to it, but then stops abruptly at the sight before her.

Through the open curtains of the room’s window she sees an elderly woman sitting hunched at the bedside of a grey-haired man who’s lying there, unconscious and pale. The woman is crying, her whole body shuddering from heart-wrenching sobs.

And just like that all the rage evaporates, the darkness slips back into its cage and her mind clears.

One of the police officers approaches her, she only notices him when he clears his throat.

“Excuse me, Ms., can I help you?”

“I-I’m the mother of one of the passengers of the other car. My daughter has been hurt, she- she is here too.” She barely manages to get out.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ms.”

“Do you know what happened?” She asks, her voice stronger now.

“Well, it seems like Mr. Hollister lost control of his car and drove through a red light, causing the accident. Apparently, his CT scans show that he had a stroke, but the doctors weren’t able to determine if the accident was caused by the stroke or if the stroke happened afterwards or even because of the accident.” He informs her. “We are still in the process of getting statements from all involved parties and examining the video footage of the crash side. But if you want to press charges, we can take your statement now and…”

“No. Thanks, officer. That won’t be necessary.”

She leaves without another word, feeling sick. There’s a bathroom at the end of the hallway and she only just makes it into the stall, before emptying her stomach’s content into the toilet bowl.

After washing her hands and rinsing her mouth, she looks at her pale face in the bathroom mirror. There are droplets of cold sweat on her forehead, her eyes are red from unshed tears. The events of the past hours come crashing back to her all at once, and she sobs, a trembling hand coming to her mouth.

She has to hold it in though. She can’t let herself break down. She has to be strong for her daughter, she reasons with herself. So she washes the remnants of her weakness off her face, takes one last look in the mirror to make sure she is presentable and leaves the bathroom.

 

When Sam comes back into Ruby’s room, Alex can tell that there’s something different about her, something happened, but the agent blames it on the stress of the whole situation. She pushes the fear that it might be more away, not ready to deal with it.

 

The following days Sam is distant. She won’t take Alex’s hand anymore or even touch her. When Alex initiates contact, Sam flinches away, and every time she does, it causes a jolt of hurt running through Alex’s heart. She knows Sam is worried about her daughter, but Ruby is doing fine given the circumstances. After 24 hours, the doctors expend the duration between the checkups and after two days it looks like Ruby will make a full recovery without having to undergo surgery.

Somehow even the good news is not enough to brighten Sam’s mood. She withdraws herself from Alex more and more, and even from Ruby, and Alex doesn’t know what to do. Should she just give Sam some time and space or try to get her to talk about it?

Sam insists in staying at the hospital, even at night, as long as Ruby is there. After the first two nights Alex can’t ignore the feeling of being unwelcomed there anymore, and Ruby is getting better, so she decides to sleep at home again. She takes her old room, the former guest room. It doesn’t feel right to sleep in their - in Sam’s - bed without the other woman.

Alex lies awake at night, the worry about Sam’s behavior prevents her from getting any sleep. She clings to hope that it’s just temporary, that everything will be fine as soon as Ruby is back home again. But there’s this nagging feeling that something is fundamentally wrong, and this could be the beginning of the end.  Every time this thought comes to the forefront of her mind, she can hardly swallow down the panic that rises inside her and constricts her heart, making it hard to breathe.

 

After ten days the doctors tell them Ruby is well enough to be discharged. The teenager, almost fully recovered, is cheering at the news, but Sam visibly pales and clenches her fists till her knuckles turn white, and Alex knows she can’t ignore the problem any longer.

They have just arrived at home, unpacked the car and brought Ruby to her room to get some rest even though it’s still early in the day, when Alex finds Sam alone in the kitchen. The brunette fiddles with the cap of Ruby’s medication, growing frustrated when it won’t open.

“Here, let me.” Alex approaches her and gently takes the bottle with pills out of her hands.

She opens it with ease and sets it on the kitchen counter. She knows it’s now or never, so she gathers her courage and speaks up. “Sam, I think, we should talk about…”

Before she can finish her sentence, Sam cuts in.

“I can’t do this anymore, Alex.”

It feels like a punch to the gut. Even though Sam hasn’t elaborated yet, Alex understands the meaning, the weariness and despair clear in Sam’s voice. It’s a capitulation.

Still, she needs to hear it, she needs an explanation.

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t pretend everything is ok.”

“You don’t have to. You know you can tell me everything.”

Sam braces herself against the counter, her eyes fixated on the small bottle of pills. “The day Ruby got hurt, I almost had a relapse.”

Alex feels like a fool for not considering this earlier, because of course this has happened. She tries to make up for her neglect, but she knows it won’t be enough.

“Sam, we were all shocked about what happened. Your daughter was in an accident. It’s completely understandable that something like this would throw you for a loop.”

At this, Sam looks up with fury in her eyes.

“No, you don’t understand! I was blinded with rage. I wanted revenge so badly. I wanted to hurt the one who had hurt my child. I invited Reign in. Do you hear me? I wanted to become her again!”

The words ring in her ears like gunshots, but it’s not her who has been pierced by them.

“Sam…” She steps towards the other woman, desperate to touch her, but Sam holds up her hands, signaling her to stop.

“Reign didn’t come back. I didn’t lose my mind - not to her… When I saw the accident perpetrator and his wife at the hospital, I felt ashamed of myself - of wanting to cause him pain. That was all on me, Reign had nothing to do with that. But afterwards I also realized how easily Reign could have re-emerged.” Sam looks her in the eyes, wordlessly pleading with Alex to see reason. “I’m a ticking time bomb, Alex, and neither you nor Ruby should be anywhere near me.”

“What are you saying?” Alex breathes.

Sam shakes her head and takes a step back, putting some distance between them.

“I can’t stay with you any longer. I can’t stay here. You both deserve better than this, better than me.”

“No, you’re wrong. You… I told you…” Alex searches for the right words, the ones that will - have to - convince Sam to stay. “I love all of you, the good and the bad. It’s not up to you to decide what I deserve or not. Don’t I get a say in that? Cause I just want you!”

But Sam only retreats further. Getting desperate, Alex clutches at straws.

“And what about Ruby? Do you know, how miserable she has been while you’ve been away the first time, imprisoned at the DEO? If you’d seen her then, you’d never think that she’s better off without you.”

“She has you. She is your daughter too, has been for quite some time now. I know you will take good care of her.”

Sam smiles sadly, and Alex knows she has lost. Her vision is suddenly blurry from unshed tears.

“Please, Sam, this is not the way to deal with this. We can get through this together. I’m going to…”

“No, don’t you see? I have to take care of this my way, without putting you in danger. I made my decision, Alex. Don’t try to stop me.”

Before Alex can say anything else, Sam has grabbed her travel bag, which is still packed from her time at the hospital, and is out of the house.

 Alex stands there in shock, her arms wrapped around her torso, cold creeping up her bones into her heart.

 

 

Lena’s day has been good so far. Kara has texted her that Ruby has been discharged from the hospital, her nine o’clock meeting with the head of the bioengineering team showed promising progress in their research, and she is going to meet her beautiful girlfriend for lunch in half an hour.

Thinking about Kara makes her smile instantly, warmth spreading throughout her body, coloring her cheeks. They’ve only been on a few dates, free evenings rare between their jobs, Kara’s superhero duties and making sure the Arias family, including Alex, had everything they needed during Ruby’s stay in the hospital. But Kara has been wonderful all this time, and when the blonde asked her to be her girlfriend on their first date already, Lena felt happier than ever before in her life.

She is yanked out of her daydreaming by the commotion of her office door being pushed open.

Looking up, she sees Sam walking in. The Kryptonian is visibly distraught, and Lena is instantly on high alert.

With desperate determination Sam looks Lena in the eyes and pleads.

“I need your help.”

 

 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Sam deals with her dark passenger and eventually learns how to fly. Alex is just Alex, always believing in the people she loves and never giving up.


	5. acceptance - part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I’m so sorry for the late update. Work has been a bitch, and most days I felt like it drained the creativity right out of me.  
> I hope this chapter will make up for the long wait, at least a little bit. :)

 

 

It’s been two days since Sam left, and Alex feels like she can’t breathe properly the whole time. She is in constant worry about her girlfriend - she refuses to think of her as anything but. On top of that she tries to be strong for Ruby, but she has to admit it seems like it’s the other way round this time.

Right after Sam had left the house, Alex found Ruby standing at the bottom of the stairs in her pajamas. The teenager’s expression, a mix of sadness, hurt and defiance, told her that Ruby must have heard at least part of their conversation. She wasn’t able to move then, the shock of what had transpired still deep in her bones, making her limps feel like they were filled with lead. So, it’s been Ruby who came to her, wrapping her in a hug and whispering in her ear. “It’s gonna be okay. Mom is going to come back to us.” And Alex let the warmth of the girl’s hug and words chase away the cold, wondering how she ever lived without the love of the two Arias women.  

Since then they clung to each other as often as possible, both needing the comfort. Alex has taken a few days off from work, allowing her to be home with her still recovering daughter. Kara, Winn and J’onn all come by every now and then. They bring food and the kind of love that makes everything seem less bleak, the kind of love only a family can provide.

On the morning of the third day they cuddle on the couch after breakfast, as it has become their routine, Ruby still needing rest, and just as Alex thinks Ruby has been fallen asleep, a wispy voice asks “Where do you think mom went? Where is she going to stay?”

“I don’t know, Rubes. I don’t know…” She bends down to where Ruby is cradled in her arms and presses a light kiss to the girl’s temple. “But I’m sure she is fine.”

She doesn’t know who she’s trying to comfort more.

 

\---

 

The barren, dry desert seems to be endless, and Sam prays that this time she won’t run out of fuel before she reaches her destiny.

She takes one hand away from the steering wheel to rub her neck. She knows it’s only a phantom pain, because there isn’t actually anything there. Her flesh and skin have healed without a scar within mere hours after L-Corp’s science team opened up the dura mater of her cervical spine and put the chip inside the subdural cavity, positioning it near her brainstem.

It’s not the same device as before, Lena has managed to modify it with last minute changes. Of course her brilliant friend had been toying with the idea of these modifications all along and had already done some test runs, but it took Sam’s urgent plea to put her plan into action.

After Sam had come to her office that day and told her about what happened, Lena had agreed to help her under the condition that the chip won’t actually be a kill switch.  So Sam had listened and in the end she had reluctantly given in to Lena’s demands. It was better than nothing after all.

The device still contains Kryptonite, but only a small amount, to make the cells of her central nervous system more accessible to the anesthetic drugs that will be released into her cerebrospinal fluid when the device is activated. If all goes to plan, Sam - or better Reign - will be paralyzed in a matter of seconds. According to Lena’s research the effect is going to last for three to four hours, enough time for the DEO to detain Reign and maybe even to get Sam back.

With the device inside her skull, she strangely feels better already. The fear of involuntarily harming someone, especially loved ones, has lessened. Of course she still dreads losing herself again and becoming Reign, but her self-preservation is far less important to her than keeping Ruby and Alex safe, so the chip provides a welcomed safety net.

It’s also the reason why she is ready now to face her - Reign’s – Fortress of Sanctuary. A place she has avoided since Reign’s defeat, in fear it might trigger her evil twin’s resurrection.

Somehow she finds her way to the fortress, seemingly on instinct. When she puts on the brakes and steps out of her car, the awry stone pillars of the dark palace are looming over her, standing guard like Cerberus at the gates of hell.

There’s no reason to delay this, so she moves forward, making her way inside. It seems familiar, although she can’t remember much from the few times she’s been here before as Sam, only glimpses of a dark cave and a ghostly figure and feelings of helplessness and fear. Her awareness of this place has been limited to the sensations Reign couldn’t wipe from her memory, but now she’s experiencing it fully, in all its infernal glory.

It’s not as impressive as she thought it would be. Maybe that’s because the DEO had raided the place and took all the alien tech with them. Sam had heard Winn talk about the registration of the worldkiller equipment often enough during her time at the DEO.  Now the dark fortress is nothing more than a cave system with an intricate design that allows daylight to illuminate it with the means of well-placed apertures and reflective surfaces.

She moves to the center of the main cave where the console is situated. The hologram of Reign’s arbiter, that is also the vision of her nightmares, used to emanate from there. Sam lets her fingers brush over the cold surface of the now empty metal box.

Nothing happens, of course not. She doesn’t even know what she expected to achieve by coming here. Somehow she thought she could get in touch with her dark passenger, but then she’s always there with her anyway, no matter where.

She sighs and closes her eyes, letting herself feel the atmosphere of the fortress. The darkness inside of her doesn’t stir, and thinking about the events at the hospital, she wonders how much of it is Reign’s and how much of it is Sam’s. After all everybody has a dark side to them, an ill temper, anger, jealousy, even cruelty. Only the potential for darkness is so much bigger in her than in others, like world destroying tendencies.

Maybe the crux of the matter is the decision to act on those feelings or not. But it’s not always a conscious decision, the feelings sometimes too overwhelming to have a rational thought. In her case these feelings could even led to lose control completely, to lose herself.

She thinks about Ruby and Alex, the two people she loves most in this world. She has dragged them both into this mess, although all she wants for them is to be happy. They deserve better than her, they deserve the world, but most of all she feels like she doesn’t deserve them.

She knows she would be lost without her daughter, she would have succumbed to Reign all these months ago. So, of course she’s grateful, but on the other hand she doesn’t want to burden Ruby with having to be her savior, nor Alex. It isn’t fair to them. She has to be able to save herself, she wants to be strong enough to contain Reign by herself. And maybe Alex is right, maybe she already is, but how will she know? Trial and error?

She scoffs at her own thoughts, it’s ridiculous… but then maybe she should try to somehow communicate with Reign, challenge her for a battle of wills.

With the failsafe inside her brain, she feels almost ready to take the risk.

When she opens her eyes again, her attention is drawn by a vague figure in the far corner of the cave. She carefully approaches the shape. As her eyes adjust to the fewer light of the half hidden corner, she makes out a familiar costume draped on a metal rack.

She takes in a sharp breath. It’s Reign’s costume, mask, crest, cape, everything.

Going with her gut, she takes it, folds it up and leaves the fortress with the bundle under her arm.

 

\---

 

It’s the fifth day since Sam left - yes, Alex is counting the days - when Lena comes to visit. So far only Kara has come by every day and Alex has wondered what was up with that, as her sister and the CEO are usually attached at the hip after working hours.

Alex immediately recognizes something is up when she sees her sister’s girlfriend’s guilty and slightly fearful expression. So she leads Lena to the study, glad that Ruby is occupied with watching a movie.

“Why do I feel like I won’t like what you’re about to say?” Alex cuts to the chase.

She can see that Lena is trying to put on her business persona, the CEO’s expression becoming formal and determined.

“I have news about Sam that I thought you should know.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yes, she is. She… she came to me and asked me to help her, to implant the chip… And after she told me what happened at the hospital, I agreed.”

At that Alex can feel the burning of tears in her eyes. She rubs them furiously to keep the tears from spilling.

“I - I’ve been afraid she would do that, but…” The words keep stuck in her throat as she chokes on a sob.

Lena has suspected many reactions from the agent, ranging from disappointment to infuriation, but she hasn’t expected to see her almost sister-in-law so small and fragile.

“Oh, Alex…” She sheds all pretense of business talk and approaches the other woman to give her a hug, but Alex takes a step back and shakes her head.

“Just, tell me exactly what you did, Lena.” Alex demands, struggling to retain her composure.

So Lena explains how she modified the chip to a non-lethal version, and after she finishes Alex seems to be more at ease.

“Where is she now?”

“I convinced her to stay at a hotel that is partially owned by L-Corp.” Lena replies. “But she made me promise not to visit her or tell anyone which hotel. She said she’ll come to us when she’s ready.”

“Thank you.”

This time Alex is not opposed to Lena’s hug.

 

\---

 

Living in a hotel is not as funny as it sounds. Even though Sam stays in the presidential suite, which is three times as big as the other rooms, it feels more like a prison cell as she’s holed up in it for almost a week now. She has already made her way through the room service menu and rearranged her sparse collection of clothes and toiletry articles two times.

When she came back from the desert, she’s been wary about trying to get in contact with Reign. But after a while she grows restless, not to mention she misses her family so fucking much. So, she throws caution to the wind and puts Reign’s costume on.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she feels incredibly awkward. The suit is a little bit tight around the hips, and she briefly wonders if she gained weight since the last time she wore it, but then her mind drifts to Alex and Kara and their affection for take-out food, and the memory makes her heart ache, so she forces herself to focus on the task at hand again.

While concentrating on the dark parts of her soul, she addresses the image of Reign that stares back at her from the mirror.

“Ok, uh,… Reign, I-I think we should talk, you know…”

She shakes her head at herself, this is never going to work. Yet, she tries again.

“So, the thing is…, I won’t let you take over again, but I can still feel you trying sometimes, and you really have to stop.”

She’s pacing the room now. “I have a family, people that I care about, that I love. At least I hope they still want me after I left them.”

She stops in her tracks and rubs at her neck. “And I will never let you hurt them, so you might as well just give up now.”

 

After about half an hour of aimlessly walking around in her hotel suite and talking to herself, Sam throws herself on the large bed face first and huffs into the comforter.

She turns around and stares at the ceiling. “Well, that’s been a waste of time and… oh my God, I’m still talking to myself!”

Contemplating the ludicrousness of her endeavors, she’s suddenly alerted by an unusual amount of sirens filtering in through the balcony door. She hears police, fire and rescue service sirens in the distance, so she turns on the tv and switches to a local news channel.

“ _… reports are coming in that there has been an attack on the registration office for extraterrestrial immigration here in National City. It seems like an anti-alien terrorist organization has placed a bomb there and… oh, I hear we have live footage from the scene…_ ”

The camera shows the unremarkable, about 5 story high building of the registration office, it pans from the entrance of the building where people are running out of the building in panic, up along the building’s front to its roof and then to the sky above it where Supergirl is engaged in a spectacular fight with what looks like a small army of Iron Man lookalikes.

As soon as the camera moves back down and shows the dark vehicles of an unidentified government agency at the center of the attack, Sam’s only thought is “Alex!”

She’s outside on the balcony before she has even time to decide what to do, she just knows she has to be there.

It’s the first time she tries to fly as herself, as Sam. She took really big jumps one time in the DEO training room and it felt a little bit like flying, but she only has a vague idea of what to do to actually stay airborne.

She thinks it can’t be that hard, Kara makes it look so easy, as she takes a running jump at the balcony handrail. She realizes she’s wrong when gravity makes itself known, and after a short momentum in the air, she plummets helplessly to the ground. Not able to break her fall, she only manages to land in an awkward crouch - not on her ass at least - in the middle of the street. The concrete yields, and after the dust settles, she sees the damage her impact has caused.

“That could have gone better.” She mumbles to herself, brushing the dust off her shoulders and cape, after climbing out of the crater.

“It’s always the same with you superhero types, no deference to public property…” An old lady scolds her from the sidewalk, shaking her head in indignation and waving her walking stick in the air.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am.” Sam calls, ducking her head, before she superspeed walks into an empty back alley to get out of sight.

 _Muscle memory_ , she thinks, her body has flown before - as Reign, but still. Her body knows how, she just has to let it take the lead.

_But how?_

She doesn’t have time for this, Alex needs her help. Picturing the woman that she loves, she sees them on the couch together on movie night, Ruby is dancing and singing in front of them and oh…

Distracting her mind with a song, that might work, she contemplates. She quickly decides to give it a try, so she starts to hum, the familiar lyrics slowly coming to mind…

_… I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid…_

She takes a leap, and then another one, concentrating on singing.

_…I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder…_

And suddenly she finds herself ten feet off the ground.

_…over sideways and under, on a magic carpet ride…_

She can’t believe she’s actually up in the air without immediately tumbling down.

_…a whole new world, a new fantastic point of view…_

She dares to fly higher, looking over the city. Now it’s just a question of how to pilot. So she tries flying in a certain direction and somehow she manages.

_…soaring, tumbling, freewheeling, through an endless diamond sky…**_

Taking the police sirens as her compass, she directs her flight to the scene of the attack, gaining speed as she moves along. The happiness about her new learned skill is short lived though, because as soon as her destination comes in sight, the worry about Alex takes over.

Too late she realizes that she hasn’t considered the landing process, which results in her barreling into a black van - probably belonging to the DEO. _Shit._

 

\---

 

They managed to get the bomb outside of the building, but the timer counts down mercilessly and there’s less than 4 minutes left. Alex is suddenly distracted from the wires of the detonator in front of her by a deafening crash. She turns her head to the noise and sees that one of the DEO’s vans has been obliterated into a pile of junk.

“It’s Reign! We’re under attack from Reign!” She hears an agent shout.

 

 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, cliffhanger... BUT the next and probably last chapter is already almost finished and I'm going to post it on Sunday (- the day after tomorrow), so yay!?. 
> 
> I'd love to hear from you in the comments. 
> 
> PS: ** The song is "A Whole New World" from Disney's Aladdin.


	6. acceptance - part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in less than 48 hours, yay me! Lol. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who stayed until the end and gave kudos and left comments. It's what kept me writing. I love you all! :)
> 
> Ok, so here's the second part of the chapter "acceptance", enjoy!
> 
> Dedicated to my wonderful and talented friend Bae.

 

 

Bobbing up from the piece of scrap metal that has once been a well-equipped and versatile vehicle, Sam frantically looks for Alex. Someone shouts something about Reign, but Sam only vaguely registers the various weapons that are suddenly pointed at her.

Her vision zooms in on the familiar figure of her girlfriend. Alex is hunched over what must be the terrorists' bomb. Their eyes meet and for a second it seems like the world around them comes to a halt. But then a curtain of red and blue comes down between them, and Kara takes a stance against her, ready to attack.

“Supergirl, come here and help me with the bomb, now!” Alex shouts and Kara hesitates briefly, before she rushes over to her sister.

Immediately after the girl of steel has touched the bomb though, she staggers back, seemingly affected by it.

And then understanding dawns, the bomb is laced with Kryptonite. Kara has always been more affected by it than Reign, which had let to various tests Sam had to go through during her imprisonment at the DEO. They never really figured out the reason, but in the end they were going with something like her DNA has been genetically modified.

Sam sees Supergirl already struggling with taking it again, her face contorted with pain, her skin a green hue.

She makes a split-second decision and tackles Kara, the surprise attack and the force behind it enough to bring the blonde superhero to the ground.  

She hears people yelling at her, their voices coming together in an indiscernible jumble, but she has already taken the bomb and is on her way up, up and far away from Alex and Kara.

 

\---

 

“Sam! Don’t!” Alex shouts, watching in horror as Sam takes off with the deadly weapon. Beside her Kara stumbles back on her feet, but she’s still too much affected by the Kryptonite to even think about taking up pursuit.

Alex hears J’onn’s voice over her ear piece. “Agent Danvers, status report.”

“Sam took off with the Kryptonite bomb, Sir.”

“Alex…” His voice is softer now. “We don’t know what she plans. She attacked us, attacked Supergirl, we have to consider that Reign is back. As far as I know Sam doesn’t know how to fly either. It’s our duty to keep the citizens of National City save and we don’t know where she’s going with that bomb. But we have the option to stop her. I have the activation code for the chip and…”

“No! Don’t you dare activate that damn chip, J’onn.” Alex shouts.

“It’s not lethal anymore…”

“I don’t fucking care! If you do this, I will never forgive you. Do you hear me? Just don’t!” She insists, a desperate determination in her voice.

“Alex…” It sounds like an attempt to appease her and she knows she’s too hard on him, but her emotions are running high, and if she only could explain.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I have to believe she’s still Sam and that she’s trying to help. I…I saw her and… , please just trust me on this.”

“Ok, Agent Danvers.” J’onn relents. “Clear the scene and get your team back to the DEO. Agent Schott is trying to locate Re - Ms Arias.”

 

\---

 

The bomb in her arms feels heavier every second that goes by, her powers are slowly drained by the green substance inside the weapon.

She is not far from the coast, she can see the ocean on the horizon, so she gathers all her strength and pushes through. Her altitude decreases and when she reaches the ocean she is so low that she can already feel the spray of the roaring waves on her face where it is not covert from the mask. As soon as she presumes she’s far enough from the coast she dives into the cold water. It’s easier underwater, not having to fight against gravity anymore, and she maintains her speed, hurtling further and further away from the city, out into the open sea.

Having lost all sense of time, she doesn’t anticipate the sudden blast when the bomb goes off. It tears through her body and pushes all air out off her lungs while she’s catapulted out off the water in a steaming mist. She gasps and can hardly take a breath before she crashes back into the stormy sea. She tries to get to the surface, flailing about, but she has lost her orientation. All her power and strength seeps out of her faster than before. Her body in shock, she feels no pain, but she can see the hundreds of Kryptonite shards that are littering her body. Soon she isn’t even able to move, just drifting helplessly. The surface is still not in sight, the need to breathe getting unbearable. Her vision becomes blurry and then fades to black. All conscious thought leaving her mind and there’s only emptiness.

 Until there isn’t. A flicker, a vision, suddenly becoming clearer. And like a dream, or more like a nightmare, Reign is there. Her deep, emotionless voice is wafting through Sam’s mind.

“Stop fighting me. Don’t you see? You’ve already won. So, why are you still struggling?”

Reign raises her arms, reaching out to Sam, but Sam shakes her head and tries frantically to back away, although she’s not sure she’s moving at all.

“Stop fighting me. Work with me instead. Use me, use my knowledge, my strength, use it to survive.” The dark warrior urges.

And yes, Sam wants to survive, she wants to get back to her family, she wants to hold Ruby in her arms and kiss Alex. She wants more time, she wants…

So she stops fighting and lets Reign in. The adversarial part of her mind, that she managed to keep in the dark for so long, is now coming into the light, merging with her consciousness, interweaving with her body.

It’s not like before, overwhelming and all consuming, no, she doesn’t lose herself. Sam knows and feels that she’s still fully in control, her mind still her own. There’s not another personality taking the wheel. Instead it feels like becoming whole again, like a part of her had been broken and now the pieces are setting themselves together again, forming something new. Something better.

She feels the difference as a new jolt of power surges through her body. The added strength is enough for her to be able to move again. With one forceful stroke she breaks through the water’s surface and immediately gasps for air.

Her body starts to reject the Kryptonite, the shards leave her flesh and fall off from her one by one.

As soon as she is strong enough, she launches into the air and leaves behind what almost would have been her watery grave, but became the birthplace of her new self instead.

 

\---

 

“Sir, we got a ping on Sam.” Winn announces in the command center of the DEO.

Alex is at his side in seconds, staring down at the monitor suspiciously.  “A ping? What are you talking about?”

“Well, we are monitoring Reign’s fortress with motion sensors, and the silent alarm was triggered a few minutes ago.” Winn feebly explains.

She shakes off the irritation about being left in the dark about something concerning her girlfriend once again. “Ok, then, get the helicopter ready, I’m going to go there.”

“You shouldn’t go there alone. Wait for Kara to recover, she’s already under the sun lamps, it won’t be long.” J’onn points out, but it doesn’t sound like a command, he probably knows she wouldn’t comply anyway.

“Sam could be gone till then, I don’t want to wait.”

J’onn sighs, but starts one more attempt to reason with her. “Alex, you should know that she’s been there before. A few days after she left her family and disappeared, the sensors in the fortress were triggered and satellite images showed it was her. She must have gotten the Reign outfit from there.”

 “That…” Alex swallows away her concern. “That doesn’t mean anything. I need to go.”

 

 

The still rotating blades of the helicopter whirl up the desert sand and Alex has to hide her face with the sleeve of her jacket while she ducks her head and hurries away from the machine. The fortress looks anything other than welcoming, but nothing could keep her from getting to Sam at this point.

She carefully makes her way through the narrow entryway of the desert fortress and down the stairs. Her heart is beating almost painfully hard in her chest. She doesn’t know what or better who awaits her deep down in the inner sanctuary. Although her gun is loaded with Kryptonite bullets, she leaves it secured in her holster. She wouldn’t be able to shoot anyway.

Her eyes have adjusted to the darker surroundings when she reaches the bottom of the stairs and looks around, searching for the woman she loves.

She finds her standing with her back to the stairs, hunched over the former center console, still wearing Reign’s outfit, which looks like it’s barely holding together as most parts are in shreds.

As she approaches her, the Kryptonian swings around, her face behind the mask unreadable. Still Alex can see her eyes go wide in surprise.

She doesn’t think. If she had she would consider the probability of Reign being back and Sam gone, she would ponder about the possibilities to take her down, about her chances to survive this.

Instead she just feels. She feels her love for Sam and Sam’s love for her. Deep down in her heart, there’s only one possibility how this will end.

So, she takes a leap of faith. Without hesitation she closes the distance between them with a few quick steps, and puts both of her hands to the back of the other woman’s neck, holding her in place as she pushes forward and unites their lips in a fervent kiss.

When she pulls away, breathless, she sees the longing and love in the Kryptonian’s eyes and she knows she has been right.

“What are you doing? Are you insane? What if I had been Reign?” Sam shouts in exasperation.

Although her knees still feel like jelly, Alex manages to shrug nonchalantly and put a smug smile on her lips. “What? I said I would smother her with kisses.”

Mouth hanging open, Sam stares in disbelief.

“So, are you coming home with me now?” Alex asks, her intended cockiness not quite able to disguise the insecurity she feels about that particular topic or the status of their relationship in general.

“Alex, there’s something you should know…” The fear of rejection clear in Sam’s voice. “The bomb almost killed me and on the brink of death I let Reign in. It’s hard to explain, but she saved me - without taking control. I’m not even sure what happened, but I still could be a liability for the safety of my family.”

“Oh, baby, no, you’re not. Today you’ve been the only one keeping us safe. And I believe you when you say she didn’t take control, I can see it in your eyes.”

Alex tentatively touches the mask Sam is still wearing, before she slowly pulls it up and off the Kryptonian’s face.

“Don’t you see what you’ve accomplished? Over these past few weeks,… not only did your worst nightmare come true when Ruby got hurt, but you also went through a time of isolation and desperation afterwards,… plus today you used your powers, and even evoked Reign’s power to survive. And through all of this you managed to stay Sam, you didn’t become Reign again. Practically every bad scenario, you feared would lead to a relapse, happened, but you persisted.”

Alex lovingly strokes her girlfriend’s face while she continues.

“Your ability to withstand becoming Reign doesn’t depend on Ruby or me. You were able to stay in control on your own, because of your strong will, your compassion, your kindness and your endless capacity to love. You saved so many people today. That was all you, Sam.”

“I love you.” Sam breathes.

“I love you too.” Alex smiles brightly. “Now let’s get home.”

When Sam nods, she takes the brunette’s hand and leads her out of the fortress. Before they reach the helicopter, she turns around abruptly, causing Sam to almost crash into her.

“You know, maybe we should make a stopover at the DEO first, so that you can change your clothes. I mean, don’t get me wrong, this raggedy look is doing things to me, but I don’t think our daughter will appreciate it.”

Sam’s laughter rings through the vast desert and Alex knows everything is going to be okay.

 

 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I can't decide yet if I want to end this story here or add one more chapter. (That's why I left the number of chapters at 7 for now). I'm thinking about writing a short epilogue, full of fluff and marriage and stuff, I already have some ideas.
> 
> Update: No one told me to stop, so I'm writing this epilogue. Stay tuned. :)


	7. epilogue: life after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked the finale in the last chapter. I couldn’t resist writing a short epilogue for this story though, tie up some loose ends and give you more fluff (and little bit of smut). Enjoy! 
> 
> Thanks to Bae for the inspiration for Sam's superhero name, our conversation about it has been similar to Lena and Kara’s. ;)

 

**Epilogue**

 

_Two months later…_

It’s early morning on a Saturday and Sam sits at the breakfast table, reading the newspaper. The rest of the house is quiet, her two favorite women in the world are still asleep. Sam has already finished her morning run, showered and set everything ready to start preparing breakfast as soon as her girls wake up.

She doesn’t need as much sleep as she once did. A newfound energy is running through her veins since that fateful day when she finally accepted every side of her. The constant mental struggle of before had exhausted her more than she had realized at the time. But now she feels like this burden is lifted. There’s no foreign darkness lurking in the corners of her mind anymore. She feels stronger, physically as well as mentally. Still, she’s a little bit wary of this unexpected development, not quite trusting that it means she found everlasting peace regarding Reign.

Her Kryptonian powers have made themselves known more than before, which has definitely been and sometimes still is an adjustment. Their new intensity leaves her reeling every now and then. Thankfully Alex is familiar with living with a Kryptonian, who struggles with her powers, and is also endlessly patient with her. Sam loves her even more for this.

 

Sam has also helped out at the DEO a few times over the past month. Winn even made her a costume. During the first fitting, he admitted sheepishly that he had already designed it for her when she had been in DEO custody, because he had hoped she would join their ranks someday. She hugged him then, grateful for his belief in her. It’s mostly black, similar to Reign’s outfit, but has some red highlights and a golden cape. Protecting her identity is most important to her, so she insisted on wearing a mask. She won’t ever forget the reaction of her daughter when she saw her in full regalia for the first time. Ruby’s eyes were shimmering with awe and pride, and after a short moment of stunned silence she was squealing in joy, jumping up and down, before running into her arms for an exuberant hug.

Although she likes to help and is grateful for the meaningful way to use her powers, she is not really comfortable with being a superhero. Alex and Kara train with her regularly now, but she hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it. She prefers living her life as normal as possible, and she loves her job at L-Corp. Of course her considerate girlfriend has picked up on that and confronted her about it. So they had an honest conversation, and afterwards it has been decided to keep her involvement with the DEO as little as possible - apart from some smaller, easier cases that could more be seen as training exercises.

 

Scanning the headlines of the newspaper Sam furrows her brow and huffs indignantly.

“ _Major Crash_ ” That’s what the press has dubbed her superhero alter-ego.

Well, ok, she’s still struggling with the landing process sometimes, but apparently one crash landing into the big fountain in front of the city hall is enough for these gossip vultures to give her that ridiculous moniker. The other incident that led to the destruction of the statue of the city’s founding father doesn’t even count in her opinion. The city council had made plans to take it down anyway, because historians had found out he had made his fortune by exploiting the workers in his factory.

And besides, with her connections to at least two people, namely Kara and James, in key positions at the city’s largest media empire, how is it not possible to influence the narrative of the press in her favor or at least get rid of that stupid name? L-Corp owns CatCo for Christ’s sake!

“Babe, are you pouting over that superhero alias again?” Alex saunters into the kitchen, still wearing her pajamas and looking all kinds of cute with her ruffled hair.

“It’s just really not fair… The other superheroes got names like Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, I mean WONDER WOMAN, Alex, and me?!” Sam whines.

“Hey, to me you’re the most wonderful woman in the world, you know that.” Alex proclaims while she snuggles into her girlfriend from behind, puts her arms around her shoulders and kisses her gently on the neck that is exposed due to her having her hair up in a messy bun.

A pleasant shiver runs down her spine, so she turns sideways on her chair, tilts her head and catches Alex’s mouth in a lingering kiss. Before she knows what’s happening, Alex sits in her lap, legs straddled. But Sam is quick to catch up, she runs her hands down Alex’s back, ultimately settling them on her butt. She can easily feel the agent’s well defined bottom through the flimsy material of her pajama pants and can’t resist squeezing them. Her actions elicit a stifled moan from Alex who rocks forward in search for some friction. Their kiss deepens, and Sam already feels the familiar tingle in her lower abdomen. Her right hand has just found its way into Alex’s pants when suddenly…

“Ugh, get a room!” Ruby yells indignantly at them, stomping into the kitchen, supposedly in search of her breakfast.

 

 

_Meanwhile in Kara’s apartment…_

“Sam has texted me this morning. She wants me to talk to James again about her superhero alias.” Lena sets her phone back on the table and picks up another spoon full of fruit salad. Before she takes it into her mouth though, she stops in contemplation. “It’s all your fault, you know…”

“What?” Kara almost chokes on her mouthful of pancakes. As soon as her coughing fit is over, she defends herself. “That’s not how I remember it! I was just eating my Captain Crunch cereals one morning and thought about Sam’s difficulty with landing, and then joked to you about how her superhero name should be Captain Crash. And then you said and I quote ‘more like Major Crash’ and we both laughed our asses off.”

“Yes, but I never thought you would mention that name during CatCo’s next editorial team meeting!” Lena exclaims. “I mean what did you think would happen? Of course they were going to run with it.”

“I was just trying to lighten the mood!” Kara sheepishly replies.

Looking at her adorable girlfriend Lena feels her anger melt away.

“Sam can never know it was us.” She states resolutely, before she continues eating her breakfast.

Kara just nods affirmatively.

 

 

 

_Another six months later…_

Many would think it is too soon, it’s not even one year that they are together, but Alex and Sam feel like they can’t wait another day to get married. They know they want to spend their lives together forever, so why waste any more time?

The formalities are sorted out pretty quickly beforehand. Sam wants for her and Ruby to take on Alex’s last name. The Arias name hasn’t meant much to her anyway - not after her adoptive mother kicked her out at the age of sixteen. Ruby is over the moon that Alex is going to adopt her. Even though she’s been her mother in all but name for some time now, it feels great to finally make it official.

 

A few days before their wedding Sam gets the chip removed. She tells Alex about it on their wedding night, when they are laying in bed, their naked bodies tangled, chests heaving after a passionate round of love making. She would have told Alex earlier, but her wife has been too eager to get her out of her cream-colored wedding dress and devour her. Thoroughly spent, she lies half on top of Alex, tracing her lover’s collarbone with her fingers and sighs blissfully.

“The chip is out.”

“Huh?” Alex raises her head to look at the brunette.

“The chip on my brainstem, I had Lena take it out the other day.” She rests her chin on Alex’s chest and smiles at her disheveled wife who seems to slowly come out of her sex induced haze.

“What? Babe, that’s… that’s… are you sure?”

She can see the awe and joy in Alex’s big brown eyes, but there’s also a hint of concern, and she really appreciates her thoughtfulness. 

“I’m sure. I don’t need it anymore. The ring on my hand is failsafe enough for me.”

Alex’s answer is a blindingly bright smile, and she’s quick to kiss it off her face, but can’t help smiling into their kiss too.

“You’re a sap.” Alex mumbles, their lips still attached.

So Sam leans back a little bit, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Oh yeah? Everybody who heard your vows today knows that you’re the sappy one in our relationship, tiger.”

“You love it though.” Alex answers, her smile never fading.

“I do.” Sam confirms in all honesty.

Resuming their kiss, Sam slides on top of Alex. She relishes the feeling of her lover’s soft and smooth skin underneath hers, she can’t get enough of it, so she begins to slowly move up and down Alex’s body. When her wife shudders under her and digs her fingers into her back, she lets out a drawn-out moan. Moving her lower body in between Alex’s legs, she almost comes on the spot when their centers are touching, the feeling of her lover’s slick, wet heat against hers enough to let her arousal skyrocket.

With a buck of her hips Alex urges her on, and Sam complies, first with circling movements, pressing their centers together as closely as possible, then with strong, but slow thrusts. She wants to draw out the increasing ecstasy but feels herself on the brink of coming fast. As soon as Alex wraps her muscular legs around her waist und pulls her in further, she knows she is a goner. After a few more thrusts, her orgasm rips through her in waves of pulsing pleasure. Alex follows close behind with a string of shuddered moans as Sam collapses on top of her, their bodies trembling in unison with the aftershocks of their powerful orgasms.

 

 

 

_Twelve months later…_

They celebrate their first anniversary with a week-long trip to Midvale where they visit Eliza, and spend most of their days at the beach, Alex showing off her surfing skills and teaching Ruby how to surf. They also take trips around town and the nearby countryside. Sam loves to see where her wife grew up, it is an idyllic place and she can easily imagine the Danvers girls wreaking havoc there with their shenanigans.

A few weeks after their vacation, the DEO has a big breakthrough in their fight against the anti-alien terrorist organization ‘Humans First’ that seems to have originated from Cadmus and that had placed the bomb at the immigration office. Since then there have been a handful of attacks on several alien friendly businesses. So as soon as the DEO locates their base in the cellar of an old biker bar, they get ready to raid the place. Alex leads the strike team and everything goes smoothly, the surprise attack warrants minimal resistance and soon all terrorists are arrested.

During the last thorough sweep they find a hidden door to another cellar, and Alex can’t believe her eyes when she sees dog cages with children in them. There are five of them, looking dirty and underfed, some clearly alien, others that look human and have only little alien features like spiky ears. The sight of the helpless and scared kids hunched up in the cells almost breaks Alex’s heart and makes her sick to her stomach. She swallows down the bile in her throat and calls for her team before she starts freeing the children.

They are taken to the DEO where they get a medical checkup, a bath, clean clothes and food, lots of food. Kara, Alex, Vasquez and Winn take turns to look after the kids and keep them entertained while the rest of the DEO is working on finding their families. Thankfully most of the children are old enough to give them all the information they need, and after two days the agents have found the families of three of them and brought them home.

Another week later only one child is left. It’s the youngest, only three years old, a scrawny, little girl with a beautiful smile, big green eyes and short, black hair that somehow always looks ruffled, no matter how often Alex or Kara try to tame it. She looks human on the outside, but the medical tests have shown that she has black blood and is in fact half Trionian half human. Despite the physical and mental trauma she had to endure, the kid recovers very well. Sometimes she cries for her parents at night before she falls asleep in Alex’s or Kara’s arms, but otherwise she shows no signs of posttraumatic stress.

Alex tries not to get too attached to the girl, but her attempts are futile. The girl has introduced herself as Ella, and after she got over her initial shyness, she turns out to be quite a whirlwind. Ella loves to play hide and seek with Kara and to learn chess from Winn. But most of all she loves to snuggle up to Alex’s side and listen to her read from a children’s book. She is incredibly smart and soon knows the stories by heart, mouthing them along, giggling when Alex voices the characters with funny accents.

After two weeks of investigations and seemingly endless interrogations of the members of the terrorist organization, the DEO finds out that Ella’s parents were murdered during one of the terrorists’ attacks, and that she has no family members left - at least not on this planet.

So Alex talks to her wife about taking the girl in. It’s an easy decision. Sam and Ruby have already spent some time with Ella when they came to visit Alex at work. And Sam can see the love in Alex’s eyes every time she talks about the little girl. There’s no doubt in her mind that Ella belongs with them. Soon all the paperwork is done, and they welcome the half alien girl into the Danvers family.

 

A few months later on a family movie night, they are sitting on the couch, more on top of than besides each other, and Alex is wrapped in Sam’s arms, bathing in the warmth that always radiates from her wife’s body. Ruby is lying on her stomach on a blanket in front of the tv with little Ella snuggled to her side, both are entranced by what’s happening on screen. They have seen Lilo & Stitch for what feels like the hundredth time now, but it’s Ella’s favorite and none of the older women can say no to her. Kara and Lena are cuddling in the recliner, after adamantly claiming that it’s definitely not too small for the both of them.

While Alex takes in her family, her heart soars with happiness and contentment and love. The feelings are so overwhelming that she feels her eyes well up with tears.

Sam must have noticed her accelerated heartbeat or her subtle sniffles, either way she looks at her and asks slightly concerned “Hey, is everything okay?”

Alex answers through a watery smile. “Yeah, it’s more than okay.”

She captures her wife’s lips in a soft kiss. _Everything is perfect._

 

 

 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my experience nothing in this life is ever perfect, but sometimes - if we are lucky - there are these moments when everything is, so I think maybe that’s enough, maybe that’s all we can ask for.  
> And I really wanted Alex and Sam to have a perfectly happy moment, they deserve it. 
> 
> I'd love to hear from you in the comments one last time. :)


End file.
